The Savior Complex

Bella grew up in a house where her mother verbally abused her father.

She always rushed to save him.

Whenever her mother abuses her father, it triggers her.

Whenever anyone abuses anyone, it triggers her.

Funny thing is this.

Bella became her father. And for a time, she had no voice.

She felt helpless all the time.

In order to calm the situation, Bella became a clown – a pleaser – to diffuse the tension.

But the core of the problem remained unresolved. Bella grew up in a house where it was acceptable to be treated with disrespect and abuse.

Bella was too young to understand that it was not for her to resolve the issues of 2 people who themselves were responsible to resolve and transcend their own issues.

While Bella witnessed her mother slowly taking away the power from her father, through her daily abuse , Bella did a disservice to her father, by further disempowering him – by stepping in as the protector and distractor. All Bella did was to sweep things under the carpet and to re-enforce her mother’s bullying behaviour. And all of them held sweepers.

Bella often spent time in deep thought – How would she empower her father to have a voice within the family unit. How could she help him reclaim his power?

Bella looked to her father as protector. But he could not protect himself, let alone protect her.

Bella grew up always feeling threatened by authority. But with no voice to actually protect herself in reality. She diminished. Like how her father did.

Bella thought her father did not show her how to take her power back, and to stand up to bullies. So no matter how strong Bella portrayed herself to be on the outside, she almost inadvertently always find herself downtrodden and beaten down.

Bella was ashamed too. She was ashamed of her mother. There was plenty of suppressed anger, resentment towards her bullying tactics and abuse. Anger turned to hatred. Her mother rejected her father, so Bella rejected her mother.

But at the same time, Bella put up with fake smiles around her mother all the time. She hated and despised the authority, but feared the repercussions on herself. But most of all, she feared the repercussions of her non-compliance as an excuse for her mother to mentally torture her father even more.

Bella’s compliance meant her father suffered less.

Bella’s approval was often needed so that her mother would remain in a good mood, and when her mother remains in a good mood, her father is saved – at least for the day.

In time, Bella equated her sense of worth and levels of guilt to how much her father was suffering on a daily basis.

Bella became confused too. Everything she does needs to be approved by her mother. But at the same time, her mother was reliant on her approval. Her perception of power became warped. On one hand, some days, Bella had all the power. On other days, there were power struggles only to have her back out, for fear of indirectly harming her father.

Bella did not understand that her mother’s rejection of her father, was actually a rejection of her mother towards her own self, and had nothing to do with Bella – or her father, for that matter. A rejection of a shadow, an unconscious aspect of herself that is so well hidden in her mother’s core, that if she would to truly look within herself, she would hate herself so much that her own hate would consume her.

Bella’s mother’s rejection of others was misunderstood. And resulted almost in a non-acceptance of others mirrored back towards her.

In short, Bella’s mother’s rejection of her father, was not only a mirrored rejection of self, but also a rejection of others towards herself.

Bella’s father also rejected himself when he gave his power away.

There is no balance or harmony in this combination.

The energies are disproportionate.

And hovering at the same levels, remaining at the same levels, within the same loops, which pretty much represented how they lived a great part of their lives.

There is no accountability either. Neither knew, nor were aware of their responsibility of their actions and the impact of their actions on Bella.

They were incapable of being accountable for their own actions.

Choosing blame and accusation as a temporary means to soothe themselves and their own egos.

Their union was not born of love. It was born of necessity.

Each requiring a supply from the other – they were hooked and addicted to each other. But at the same time, despised each other to the core.

Locked in an imprisonment, but each longing and crying out for freedom.

There is no Love.

There is no Forgiveness.

There is no Freedom.

Confrontation only makes matters worse.

And like the balance of a scale, it remains for both parties to choose either to hang it up or continue to find equilibrium.

Bella walks away.

And in so doing, she finds and reclaims




The ability to love and forgive herself.

To transcend all the anger, hatred and rejection.

To find her own freedom.

In so doing, she accepts accountability for her self. She becomes responsible for her own autonomy. She reclaims her power to determine the course of her Life.

She shifts and moves from all those things that no longer serves her.

By doing so, she shows that being in such a situation is no longer acceptable within her sphere of energies. That such behaviour would no longer be tolerable. In short, she did what her father could not.

It is not cowardice.

It is empowerment.

It is not about closing the door.

It is about coming back to harmony and balance.

And when the parties are ready (here, in this case, Bella’s parents)

Then they can reunite

It is not about separation

But rather, reclaiming that position of unity, so that those which are not in harmony or balance can then rise to meet Bella where she is – vibrating at a higher level of emotion and frequency

Bella set her boundaries

And did not lower her standards

The wayshower

Bella became her own Savior

Many of the old teachings, which worked at the time to bring order from chaos, will tell us not to turn our back on family – no matter what.

It does not provide for situations where the family unit no longer provides a safe space, let alone a healthy space for a child to remain in.

But sometimes, it takes walking away, to pull you closer. And in most cases, to actually pull yourself together.

Sometimes, it takes walking away so that they may realize their own higher potential.

Walking away is not abandonment. Far from it.

Walking away is empowering ourselves to face and confront the Truth of what is actually happening. So that layers and layers of what no longer serves us will rise to be dissolved.

Walking away gives us the opportunity to come back to Love, to Unity.

And in the discovery process, sometimes, Freedom accords us both an opportunity for Forgiveness and a return to Love.

Set yourself free.